tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23873247363035832072024-03-14T11:54:44.842+05:30In Search of the Answers to Life....an adventure....The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-3704184219481375342016-09-11T12:44:00.001+05:302016-09-11T13:40:28.315+05:30The Creator<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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You’re just another average guy. Working hard. Trying to enjoy your weekends. All the while wondering what all of this is for. Feeling that what you’re doing seems to make no difference. That at a cosmic level, your life is a joke.</div>
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On one such sleepy afternoon, you drift off into a semi-conscious sleep where you’re suddenly aware of a powerful presence. You don’t need to ask him who he is. You already know.<br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vijDOJS-QCA/V9UHVdv2arI/AAAAAAAACQE/FAdurSNyk6wqcxknNEc86e70XSkpuSZpQCLcB/s1600/2106097_how-different-religions-see-god_fv2fyj4mbywqvzaz4k27i3sk3aoxpy7q62c4u66siw3t6qwph3oq_757x425.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="358" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vijDOJS-QCA/V9UHVdv2arI/AAAAAAAACQE/FAdurSNyk6wqcxknNEc86e70XSkpuSZpQCLcB/s640/2106097_how-different-religions-see-god_fv2fyj4mbywqvzaz4k27i3sk3aoxpy7q62c4u66siw3t6qwph3oq_757x425.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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You jump straight to the
question that’s been bothering you for so long. Expecting a grand revelation,
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“What is the purpose of my life?”</div>
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“My amusement.” Says God matter-of-factly.</div>
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That is so anti-climatic that you are stupefied. Your whole
life was a joke, after all.</div>
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“Bet you didn’t expect that, eh? You see, I wanted to have
fun. And one of the biggest joys in life is that of creation. I should know,
since I’ve been creating dust, light and matter for quite a while. I’d create a
ball of dirt and have it explode into fireworks. To tell light and heat how to
behave, I had to create Electromagnetic laws and Thermodynamics. </div>
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“You created light, dust and laws of physics for fun?” you
ask incredulously.</div>
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“Yeah, but pretty soon, I got tired of that. There isn’t
much fun in creating something simple. Things become interesting when they are
complicated. So I created a few balls of light and left them alone to see what
they’d do. But they didn’t do anything because there weren’t any forces to move
them. To make them do something I had to invent Gravity and the laws of motion.</div>
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“For variety, I created a few billion variations of stars
and clumped them into galaxies to look pretty. Gravity would keep pulling
everything together into a single larger star. So I had to put them in motion.
I had to make the stars massive otherwise they’d fizzle out too soon. </div>
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“But that got too monotonous so I threw in a few mud balls.
I made each planets run around its star so that they wouldn’t get pulled in. I
couldn’t make any planet too large because its own gravity would make it
collapse into itself and turn it into a star. I could have prevented that with exceptions
to gravity, but I didn’t want to break my own laws. Besides, this was getting
interesting. </div>
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“I threw in a few rocks to the party. I made sure these
Asteroids had different shapes to add a little variety. I sprinkled this celestial painting with a few
ice fragments that created varying length tails when they neared stars. To make
the system stable, I created the law of conservation of Mass-Energy. And just
for the heck of it, I made a few stars so massive that even light couldn’t escape
them. </div>
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You asked, “And then you created life?”</div>
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“Patience, dude. I’ve barely begun.</div>
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“To add in a bit of unpredictability, I made sub-atomic
particles a bit random. That randomness trickled upwards. That also made sure
that any organism I created couldn’t take control of the world. That would kill
the spontaneity of it.</div>
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“Now I thought I’d add some details. I did some landscaping
and created a few robots to inhabit the planets. But they’d just do what I
programmed them to. That got drab pretty soon. So I thought, instead of me
designing everything, why don’t I let life evolve on its own? </div>
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“To make life evolve on its own, I threw a few bolts of
lightning at the chemicals present in a few planets to create structures that
would replicate themselves to a high degree of fidelity in the most case, but
once in a while do it with errors that would introduce variation in the population
of structures.</div>
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“It turns out, that that was all that I needed to do to kick
start life. These replicators took care of the rest. Those that were better at
replicating and surviving became more numerous and those that weren’t,
perished. Thus began natural selection. </div>
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“As time went on, their processes became more complicated.
To make sure the intermediate products of the long chemical chain reactions didn’t
float away, a sheath began to form. That was how the cell developed. </div>
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“Then cells started to group together and specialize. That
led to multi cellular organisms. The cells started to form simple, then complex
organs housed within a single body. They competed with other bodies of their
own kind and preyed on or were preyed upon by other bodies. This competition
resulted directly from the conservation of Mass-Energy. Since resources were
limited, the organisms had to fight for them.</div>
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“The mechanisms that they developed to do this were quite
varied. Some used locomotion, some protective covering, some toxic chemicals.
Some just turned around and fought.</div>
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Over millions of years these organisms evolved into
complicated animals and plants .”</div>
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In animals, co-operation started to appear among the same
species. Like in deer. Co-operation even started to appear between plants and
animals. Like in the case of bees and flowers. Animals came up with their own hierarchies
and social rules for living together and reproducing.</div>
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“What were you doing all this while?”, you asked.</div>
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“Me? I was sitting on my sofa and munching popcorn watching
all of this. It was fascinating.<br />
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“There was one species of monkey that started to develop a higher
order of consciousness. It could imagine. That led to the creation of tools. To
use the tools it started to move on two legs instead of four. It developed
speech and then writing. That led to a different kind of evolution. That of
ideas and concepts. </div>
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“Some of those concepts helped the species progress. Farming,
Architecture, Textile and later on Medicine, Economics and Science. But there
were some ideas that held them back. The concept of desire as sin and the
upholding of blind faith were quite detrimental to well-being. </div>
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Religion started off as an awe of creation. Then it took on
the responsibility of ensuring people are nice to each other. A carrot named
heaven and a stick named hell were created to enforce this behavior. What
started off as an attempt to establish peace and harmony, degenerated into
dogmatism. The rationality in the sciences that led to progress was thrown out
of the window.</div>
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Humans even developed silly ideas about me and used my name
to control and kill each other. That a
species evolved to the point where they could conceive of me was incredible.
That they could come this far and end up being absolutely wrong about me is
even more incredible. It’s amusing to think that scientists are closer to
understanding me than the religious folks are.</div>
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“Why are you telling
me all this?” you said.</div>
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“I want to test my hypothesis: That even if humans were told
the Truth, they’d not accept it. The Truth that God isn’t a punisher of sins or
granter of wishes. God’s just an engineer. But humans are so blinded by faith
that even if someone comes along speaking sense, they ironically, will call him
delusional”</div>
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That wakes you up from your reverie. So much happened in the
past few minutes. But your life, is still, a joke.</div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;"> - </span><!--[endif]-->Inspired by <a href="http://www.amazon.in/Selfish-Gene-Oxford-Landmark-Science/dp/0198788606/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473577891&sr=8-1&keywords=the+selfish+gene">“The Selfish Gene”</a> and <a href="http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html">“The Egg”</a></div>
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The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-36335890989854359182016-04-07T11:09:00.001+05:302016-04-07T11:14:02.723+05:30The dangers of Altruism<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Howard Roark's courtroom speech in "The Fountainhead" is one of the best and most important speeches I've ever heard. Why weren't we exposed to this in schools?<br />
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Audio: <br />
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bhon2vIPJCk<br />
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Transcript: <br />
http://www.workthesystem.com/getting-it/howard-roarks-courtroom-speech/ <br />
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I strongly recommend listening to the audio book.</div>
The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-57130316413115106802016-03-26T11:14:00.001+05:302016-03-26T11:14:45.130+05:30How to write a good Product Requirements Document<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This is really explains what a Product Spec is and why it is needed. <br />
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http://www.svpg.com/assets/Files/goodprd.pdf<br />
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I wish this was taught to me when I started off as a PM. But then, maybe I wouldn't have understood as much of it as I do now.<br />
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The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-35762844625873308702016-03-14T18:21:00.000+05:302016-03-14T18:21:17.709+05:30How To Beat Procrastination<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
3 key takeaways:<br />
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1. Eat that frog.<br />
2. Break up fearsome work into smaller pieces: Possible approaches, plan and parts.<br />
3. Crossing a few easy things off of a list is all it takes to build up the mental strength to tackle something big<br />
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Procrastination strikes everyone, and once it gets ahold of you, it
can be very difficult to shake it off. When you imagine a highly
productive person, you likely think of someone who focuses effortlessly
on the job and never succumbs to procrastination. You know, the type who
can sit on the ground in a subway station with their laptop and still
manage to get more done in an hour than you would in a day at the
library.<br />
The truth is, ridiculously productive people face the same
procrastination challenges as the rest of us. The difference is, they
beat procrastination by using a calculated approach. First, they
understand <em>why </em>they procrastinate, and then they apply
strategies that beat procrastination before it takes hold. Anyone can
follow this two-step, research-driven process to overcome
procrastination.<br />
<h3>
<strong>The Procrastination Doom Loop</strong></h3>
You can’t hope to stop procrastinating until you first have a firm
understanding of why you procrastinate. New research from Joseph Ferrari
at DePaul University shows that procrastination is more complicated
than most people think. People tend to think of procrastination as
coming from poor time management or laziness, but Ferrari’s research
shows that procrastination stems from negative emotions that hijack your
mood. Once you’re under the influence of these emotions, you can’t
bring yourself to work.<img alt="" class="center" data-loading-tracked="true" height="441" src="https://media.licdn.com/mpr/mpr/shrinknp_800_800/AAEAAQAAAAAAAAclAAAAJDM5ZWU0NzY4LWIyNzAtNDBhNC1iZTZkLTQ3NzZiZjgyYTFhMQ.jpg" width="588" /><br />
Instead of being lazy or disorganized, people usually put things off
because they aren’t in the right mood to complete the task. Doing so
places you firmly inside the procrastination doom loop. Since you’ve
decided that you aren’t in the right mood to work, you distract yourself
with other tasks—checking email, checking the news, cleaning your desk,
talking to a coworker, etc.—and by the time you come up for air, you
feel guilty for having wasted so much time. This only worsens your mood,
and as the deadline draws closer, you feel worse than you did when you
first put off the task.<br />
<h3>
<strong>Overcoming Procrastination</strong></h3>
Beating procrastination is a simple matter of exiting the doom loop
by taking control of your mood. With the right strategies in place, you
can take the reins and get yourself in the mood to get things done. The
strategies that follow will help you to make this happen.<br />
<strong>Figure out why.</strong> When you aren’t in the mood to work,
procrastination is telling you something important. It could be
something simple, such as you need to take a break or get something to
eat. It could also be something complex, such as you’re carrying the
team on your back or you’re dissatisfied with your job. Whatever it is,
instead of punishing yourself for procrastinating, take a moment to
reflect and figure out <em>why </em>you’re procrastinating. This could end up being the most productive step you take in conquering your task.<br />
<strong>Remove your obstacles. </strong>Prior to getting started on a
task, take a moment to carefully consider the obstacles that might get
in your way. Then, develop a plan to ensure that they don’t. For
example, you might have instructions for a task in your e-mail inbox,
and if you don’t do anything about it, you’ll repeatedly go back to your
inbox to look at them, only to get distracted by other incoming
e-mails. In this case, your management plan should be to get the
instructions out of your inbox prior to starting your work. By planning
ahead, you can maintain your focus and avoid procrastination. After all,
it’s much harder to regain focus than it is to maintain it.<br />
<strong>Jump right in, no matter what. </strong>Sometimes it’s really
hard to get started on something, even when it’s something that you
love to do. I might be staring at a blank Word document or standing on
the beach on a cold winter morning. That first step is difficult, but
once you get going—typing that first paragraph or taking off on that
first wave—your mood improves dramatically. When you focus your
attention on how difficult and cruddy it is to get started, you
discourage yourself from doing so. When you dive right in no matter
what, your mood quickly improves, which helps you to stay on task.<br />
<strong>Cut holes in your project. </strong>We often procrastinate
because we feel intimidated by the size of a project. To minimize
intimidation, try cutting holes in it. Find smaller pieces of the task
that you can quickly and easily accomplish. For example, writing a
proposal might require 10 hours of intense concentration, but you can
spit out an intro in 15 minutes and develop a list of deliverables in
10. Before you know it, these smaller tasks have cut serious holes in
the project and it’s no longer intimidating.<br />
<strong>Work in the right environment. </strong>Even if you do
everything else right, working in the wrong environment can make you
succumb to procrastination. This means keeping yourself away from
television, electronics, friends, and loud places. This isn’t what works
for everyone, but you need to exercise discipline by working in the
environment that’s right for you.<br />
<strong>Enjoy small victories. </strong>There’s nothing quite like
checking something off of your to-do list. To keep yourself from
procrastinating, you need to experience this sense of accomplishment by
tracking your progress carefully. Small victories build new androgen
receptors in the areas of the brain responsible for reward and
motivation. The increase in androgen receptors increases the influence
of testosterone, which further increases confidence and eagerness to
tackle challenges. This keeps you fired up and moving forward. Sometimes
crossing a few easy things off of a list is all it takes to build up
the mental strength to tackle something big. Remember, it’s not about
doing small tasks to avoid big tasks; it’s about including small tasks
in your daily checklist to build your confidence and momentum.<br />
<strong>Get real. </strong>Setting unrealistic goals for your day is a
great way to become discouraged and to succumb to the negative moods
that fuel procrastination. Setting realistic goals keeps things
positive, which keeps you in the right mood to work.<br />
<strong>Take control of your self-talk. </strong>Saying to yourself, “I’m not going to procrastinate. I will not procrastinate,” virtually ensures that you <em>will </em>procrastinate.
There’s a classic study where participants were told to not think about
a white bear. It turns out it’s nearly impossible to avoid thinking
about something that you tell yourself not to, as your mind gravitates
towards the thing you’re trying to avoid. The trick is to shift your
attention to something completely different (and positive). Instead of
telling yourself not to procrastinate, think about what you will do and
how great it’s going to feel to have it done. This way, your mind
fixates on the action you want to take instead of the behavior you’re
trying to avoid.<br />
<strong>Don’t be a perfectionist. </strong>Most writers spend
countless hours brainstorming characters and plot, and they even write
page after page that they know they’ll never include in the book. They
do this because they know that ideas need time to develop. We tend to
freeze up when it’s time to get started because we know that our ideas
aren’t perfect and what we produce might not be any good. But how can
you ever produce something great if you don’t get started and give your
ideas time to evolve? Author Jodi Picoult summarizes the importance of
avoiding perfectionism perfectly: “You can edit a bad page, but you
can’t edit a blank page.”<br />
<strong>Focus on results. </strong>Chances are, you don’t enjoy going
to the dentist. Not many people do. So why do you go? It gets results.
Your dentist is quite good at making your teeth and gums healthier and
more appealing. You also go because the pain of having someone pick at
your teeth for an hour is nowhere near the pain of getting a cavity
filled, a tooth pulled, or a root canal. You go to the dentist because
you know the process is worth it. The same mentality applies to a
challenging task. While it may make you anxious to get started, don’t
focus on that. Just think of how great it’s going to feel to get things
done and how much worse you’ll feel if you wait until the last minute
and don’t give it your best effort.<br />
<strong>Forgive yourself. </strong>There’s no point in beating
yourself up when you slip up and procrastinate. You might think that
punishing yourself will help you to avoid procrastination in the future,
but it actually has the opposite effect—beating yourself up sends you
right back into the procrastination doom loop.<br />
<h3>
<strong>Bringing It All Together</strong></h3>
The key to beating procrastination is to understand that
procrastination is rooted in emotions. The strategies above will help
you to turn the procrastination doom loop on its head and to achieve
greater productivity than ever before. <br />
<br />
<br />
- Excellent advice by Travis Bradberry<br />
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-beat-procrastination-dr-travis-bradberry<br />
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The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-75374567756233202182015-08-20T12:20:00.000+05:302015-08-20T14:03:03.809+05:30Why happiness is hard to find<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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In "The best place to work", Ron Friedman has explained why its so difficult to find happiness.</div>
We think of happiness as something that is missing and we go out in search of it. Sometimes we find it. But we're unable to hold on to it as it slips through our fingers.<br />
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One of the most distressing facts about human nature is that we are not particularly good at staying happy. Positive emotions wear off. Whether we've earned a promotion, landed an new client, or moved to the corner office, with time we tend to return to our happiness baseline.</blockquote>
And the process doesn't take very long either. Lottery winners and accident victims who lose their legs feel just as happy 1 year later after the incident.<br />
Ron says we're thinking about happiness the wrong way.<br />
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Our brains are programmed to adapt to our circumstances, and for good reason. Too happy and we'd lack any ambition ; too sad and we'd never leave our beds.</blockquote>
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To some, learning about the existence of a happiness baseline can feel incredibly liberating. It means that no matter how badly your screw up your next project, inevitably your disappointment will wear off and you'll return to your happiness set point. So why not take some risks? After all, you're working with an emotional safety net.</blockquote>
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To others, it can seem downright depressing. If happiness is fleeting, what's the point of even trying? It's the reason some researchers have equated the human condition to a "happiness treadmill". We struggle as hard as we can, only to remain stuck in the same emotional place.</blockquote>
But you can delay the adaptation to your happiness baseline. Here's how:<br />
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Frequency is more important than Size</h3>
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Every positive experience takes some getting used to. And the more positive events we have, the longer it takes us to return to baseline. Which leads us to our first happiness insight:<i> Small, frequent pleasures can keep us happy longer than large, infrequent ones.</i> So going out to a regular restaurant every Friday is a wiser happiness promoting strategy than dining at a 5 star every month.</blockquote>
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Variety prevents Adaptation</h3>
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Because our brains are programmed to habituate quickly to our circumstances, we tend to tune out events that happen repeatedly, no matter how positive. Our minds slip into autopilot when our environment is predictable, conserving mental energy for when changes occur. So the more we do the same enjoyable things, the less attention we pay them. Sometimes in order to continue enjoying something we love, we need for it to temporarily disappear. </blockquote>
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We need new experiences to keep us emotionally engaged. That is one reason travelling can feel so rewarding. When we go away, we break the routine of everyday life. Not having access to your home, your bed, your favourite sofa corner might hardly be noticeable when you're travelling. But when you return, you suddenly have a new found appreciation for the little things that contribute to your comfort. </blockquote>
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Unexpected pleasures deliver a Bigger thrill</h3>
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When something surprising happens, our brains automatically pay closer attention, lending unexpected events greater emotional weight. We're motivated to make sense of events we haven't predicted and devote more mental energy to thinking about them after they occur. In this way, surprises provide an emotional exclamation point, enhancing the impact of any event - good or bad. </blockquote>
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One reason the start of a romantic relationship is so alluring is that every encounter reveals something new about your partner. The constant flow of surprises keeps us engaged. But with time you get to know your partner. That's why you need to keep trying out new activities together.</blockquote>
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Experiences are more rewarding than Objects </h3>
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A whole week trek through the mountains tends to provide a greater happiness boost than spending a comparable amount on a new TV. Why is this the case? For one thing, it's because experiences tend to involve other people, and being in the company of others elevates our happiness. Experiences also expose us to new ideas and surroundings, growing our intellectual curiosity and expanding our horizons. Materials objects, on the other hand, are often used in private, when we're away from friends and family, and rarely entail novel adventures.</blockquote>
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Unlike material objects, experiences tend to improve with age. Think back to a vacation you've taken in the bast. Did you have a good time? Research shows we remember events more positively the further they are in our rear view mirror. But that overpriced watch buried in your dresser? It suffered a few scratches and no longer seems quite as chic as the day you bought it.</blockquote>
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We don't always know Why we're happy</h3>
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Our environment often has a powerful impact on our behaviour. Our minds absorb an enormous amount of information about our surroundings. And much of this happens outside of our conscious awareness.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
One feature of our environment that we rarely pay attention to is scent. Research shows that when we're exposed to positive scents - as we are standing outside a cafe or bakery, we tend to become happier and we don't know why. Interestingly , the change in mood often affects our behaviour. We become more helpful, less competitive, and show greater generosity.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Music can also life our mood unconsciously. Our heart rates tend to sync to the sounds we hear, which is why fast beats can send our pulses racing while slow songs can help us relax. </blockquote>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
A Grateful mind is a happy one </h3>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Training ourselves to be grateful is a lot harder than it sounds. In many ways, we're implicitly encouraged to tune out the positive when we're working. Much of our day is consumed with thinking about future deadlines and tasks we have yet to accomplish. This process can take a toll. Over time a continuous focus on <i>what's missing</i> trains our minds to center on the negative. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
It's rare that we pause to savour what we've achieved. The moment one grueling project ends, the next one begins. By taking a moment to direct our attention to the things that are going right, we enhance our enjoyment and stave off the process of adaptation. Gratitude helps us appreciate positive events when they happen, making them last longer. We restore a balance to our thinking that elevates our moods and prevents negative emotions like resentment, envy, and regret from creeping in.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Psychologists have found that simply asking people to identify specific aspects of their lives for which they are thankful alters their perspectives in powerful ways. When we build appreciation for our current circumstances, we feel happier about the present and more optimistic about the future, which improves the quality of our work. Grateful people also recover from stress more quickly and behave more generously toward those around them.</blockquote>
<br />
<h2 style="text-align: left;">
The Dark side of happiness </h2>
<blockquote>
When we're completely consumed with trying to be happy all the time, we overlook the value of unhappy emotions, such as anger, embarrassment, and shame. Theose experiences may not feel very pleasant when they're happening, but they exist for a reason. Negative emotions help direct our attention to the elements of our environment that require a response. Artificially blunting negative emotions prevents us from acknowledging errors and adaption our behaviours. Feeling sad is a social signal to those around us that we need help. Feeling guilty motivates us to repair something damaging that we've done to hurt a relationship. Feeling embarrassment tells us we've committed a social infraction and pushes us to make amends. </blockquote>
<blockquote>
Another downside to excessive happiness is an increased tendency for making mistakes. When we're happy, we grow confident, which at times can lead us to overestimate our abilities and ignore potential dangers. We can become more trusting, less critical, and occasionally unrealistic.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
A research on "The Optimal Level of Well-being" found out that extremely happy people reported better relationships and more community involvement, but surprisingly, they also lagged in income and education. Who collected the biggest paychecks and earned the highest academic degrees? That distinction belonged to those who were slightly <i>diss</i>satisfied. </blockquote>
<br />
Because these rules are correlational, we can't say for sure whether dissatisfaction causes higher levels of achievement per se. One hypothesis is that if you're too content, then you don't strive too hard to improve your situation.<br />
<br />
So try to be happy, but try to not be too content.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-57467557993595483682014-05-24T13:42:00.001+05:302014-05-24T13:59:09.141+05:30Indians aren't corrupt by nature<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I reject the notion that Indians are corrupt by nature.<br />
<br />
The majority of people are corrupt by force, not choice. If one could earn a good living honestly without being beaten down every step of the way, one would prefer that to having to lick up and pay bribes.<br />
<br />
There are also incentives in play. Not catching and punishing the corrupt gives an incentive to people to get away with it. A major part of lower corruption rates in US are because of higher chances of getting caught and punished. It's almost like the government is encouraging corruption.<br />
<br />
1. <b>Business</b>. Stupid govt regulations make it impossibly difficult to conduct business fairly. Contracts aren't awarded by competence, but by kickbacks. Environmental clearance is given on the basis of political affiliation of the state govt. wrt center. Educational institutes are only allowed to to be non-profit. Kyun be?<br />
<br />
2. <b>Opportunity</b>. The craze of being an IAS officer is highest in states that have the least economic opportunity: like Bihar and Odisha. If students could get well paying jobs more easily, would they want to risk multiple drop years to get into a competitive.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://fastfoodnationhonorsproject.weebly.com/uploads/1/3/9/8/13989062/3835095_orig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://fastfoodnationhonorsproject.weebly.com/uploads/1/3/9/8/13989062/3835095_orig.jpg" height="207" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> Image courtesy: http://fastfoodnationhonorsproject.weebly.com/</span><br />
3. <b>Govt. Services. </b>The retired govt employee that has to bribe the officer to get his own retirement money back from the government doesn't do so happily. He is forced to do so. Otherwise he won't get his money back.<br />
<br />
4. <b>Lack of Accountability.</b> There is absolutely no accountability for a govt. employee. He can't be sacked. His promotions are dependant on how many years he has been working - not on how well he's doing his job. Him not doing his job is also corruption. How do you get him to do his job? You pay him bribes.<br />
<br />
If you still don't agree with me, tell me how many Indians do you know that are corrupt even after migrating to to the US or UK?</div>
The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-88933778045211174572014-03-21T12:52:00.000+05:302014-03-21T13:03:00.304+05:30When was the last time you applied what you learnt from a book in real life?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I had rented a bunch of large utensils for a party. But I couldn't find someone to clean them afterwards.<br />
<br />
Just then a trolley rickshaw puller rolled up. His trolley was empty, but he was pedaling slowly. So it didn't look like he was off to pick up stuff somewhere.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-y-bVDWUUfd8/Ug-KwDLPw5I/AAAAAAAADDY/YbQBPIsYKGs/s1600/trolley+rickshaw.priyabrata+nanda.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-y-bVDWUUfd8/Ug-KwDLPw5I/AAAAAAAADDY/YbQBPIsYKGs/s1600/trolley+rickshaw.priyabrata+nanda.jpg" height="192" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image Courtesy: <a href="http://ekite.blogspot.in/2013/08/city-trolley-rickshaw.html">EVOLve_the soul scan bay</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
I stopped him and was about to say "I need my utensils cleaned. Will you do that work?" when I remembered some advice from a guy named Dale Carnegie in a book I read a decade ago "How to Win Friends and Influence People" which went like this<br />
<br />
<b>Don't talk about what you want. Talk about what he wants.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://rebootauthentic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/4865.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://rebootauthentic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/4865.jpg" height="200" width="129" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Courtsey: <a href="http://rebootauthentic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/4865.jpg">Reboot Authentic</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
So instead, I said "Would you like to earn 200 rupees?"<br />
<br />
That probably was the biggest reason why he agreed to it. It's easier to convince someone when he's thinking:<br />
"Yes, I need 200 rupees" -->; "All I have to do is clean some utensils"<br />
<br />
Rather than<br />
"I'm a rickshaw puller" -->; "Why would I go cleaning utensils. That's beneath me"<br />
<br />
Thanks to Dale, I got my job done, and a poor guy earned some money.</div>
The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-84780831096908295662013-11-26T14:04:00.000+05:302013-11-26T14:04:02.975+05:30Is it possible to ever move on after breaking up with a true love?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div>
I usually don't repost articles written by others, but this one on <a href="http://www.quora.com/Is-it-possible-to-ever-move-on-after-breaking-up-with-a-true-love/answers/3560014?srid=XTzk&share=1" target="_blank">Quora</a> touched me so deeply that I'm reproducing it here.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Is it possible to ever move on after breaking up with a true love?</div>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">Yes, it is. Here is my story. I believe the best thing I can do for you is present it as truthfully as possible, in some detail—including the miscommunications and misunderstandings and failed attempts, and all the time and effort and pain and frustration I had to go through before real reconciliation could happen. I don’t want to make it seem any simpler or smoother or easier than it actually was. Rather, I want you to give you a realistic picture, to give you hope that even if you are as flawed and immature as I was, even if your process of reconciliation is as slow and jagged and full of mistakes as mine was, you can get there. My own understanding of this story is still evolving, but I will give you as much insight as I am able.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">“Jane” (not her real name) was my very first girlfriend. She and I went to a Midwestern college together, and began dating when I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. I don’t have time to tell you the details of how we got together, except to say that she took the initiative to make it happen. I was probably too timid at the time to have done so.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">She was everything I wasn’t. I was a shy introvert; she was a charming, expressive extravert who could work a room like a movie star. I didn’t have many friends; she had hundreds, and she was always dropping the names of famous people she knew. She was a natural leader and a talented artist. You can see what I look like, but she was extremely pretty, with perfect skin, large eyes, and delicate features. I was depressed and lethargic; she seemed to have boundless energy and initiative. I was a disheveled, bohemian intellectual, wearing ragged clothes and listening to far-out jazz and reading existentialist literature. She was an ambitious social climber who went to operas and art galleries and read business magazines. Most importantly, while I suffered from crippling feelings of inferiority, she had incredible self-assurance and a sense of entitlement. From the stories she told, I got the impression that anybody, no matter how inaccessible to the rest of us, would give her anything she asked for. Just about every adult that we knew in common, including my parents, thought she was one of the most impressive people they’d ever met. She was very aware of this, of course.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">Why she was attracted to me, I still don’t really understand. At the time, it seemed like an impossible dream come true. I had never experienced much emotional closeness or affirmation from any woman before, especially not the message that I was a desirable person. To get that from a “goddess” like her was an indescribable high, as addictive as a drug. For reasons I’ll go into more next time I speak, I became intensely, unhealthily, emotionally dependent on her. I was desperately afraid it wouldn’t last, and I tried desperately hard to make sure it would.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">Things were great for a while. We spent many hours together, talking about our thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams. She wrote me very long, very affectionate letters, telling me how much she liked me. We talked about marriage a few times, though we never made any plans. She asked me to write a letter to her father, asking for his permission to court her, and I did. </span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">But at the same time that I was starving for closeness, she felt the need for distance. I wanted more and more of her; she wanted less and less of me. After two or three months together, she started to pull away, in ways that were insensitive, misleading, and hurtful. She should have broken up with me. But instead, for reasons I still don’t understand, she led me on for a long time. Ladies, if you want to learn how to emotionally a weak, insecure man, take notes on this next section.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">I would invite her to things again and again, and she would decline, usually saying she wanted more time with her roommate. Or she would agree, only to cancel at the last minute because she got a babysitting opportunity or something. When we would talk on the phone, she would make strange excuses to end the conversation. Frequently it would be two weeks at a time, or more, when I wouldn’t see her. Once, after a period like this, I said, “It’s been a long time, and I’ve missed you.” She said, “We should have breaks from each other more often.” And yet, there were times during that period, fewer and farther between, when she would be just as affectionate as before.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">Once, I approached her in the hallway while she was talking to a friend. She continued her conversation for two or three minutes without acknowledging me, then turned to me, said “I’m late for something,” and walked away.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">Many times, I asked her what was wrong, whether we still had a relationship, and she would always say, “Everything’s fine. I’m just busy, not avoiding you. We’ll get together more when I’m less busy.” But she never got any less busy. Over spring break, for example, we talked only once, for about 10 minutes. Once I asked her, “What do I have to do to spend more time with you?” She said, “You’re the man, so take more initiative!” That was confusing! It was clear that whatever we had would be entirely on her terms. I felt powerless. Like George on Seinfeld:</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><blockquote style="border-left-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 3px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 15px;">
GEORGE: [<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">to Jerry</i>] No, everything is not going good. I’m very uncomfortable. I have no power. I mean, why should she have the upper hand? Once in my life I would like the upper hand. I have no hand—no hand at all. She has the hand; I have no hand... How do I get the hand?<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />...<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />GEORGE: You can’t break up with me, I’ve got hand!<br style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />NOEL: And you’re gonna need it.</blockquote>
<br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">This went on for several months, and I got increasingly frustrated, to put it mildly. I should have realized it was over and moved on. In fact, I should have refused to accept such treatment and ended things myself. But I was too deeply dependent on her. I had never been in a relationship before and didn’t think I ever would be again. I was terrified of being alone. I had very little self-respect. I would have put up with almost anything, hoping she would change, hoping things would go back to how they were.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">I desperately wanted resolution. So I asked her, “Please let’s have a conversation. It’s very important.” My intention was to apologize for own offenses, have a real conversation about what had happened, and express to her how much pain she was putting me through. I asked to meet with her at a specific place and time, and she agreed. I spent several nights praying and emotionally preparing for this encounter. I thought to myself, “If I turn the other cheek, if I humble myself before her and admit my own part, if I treat her with as much civility as I am able... then things will go well, then I will feel better.” (Where did I go wrong with this? I still don’t fully know.)</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">And then, the night before our meeting, as she had done so many times before, she said, “I can’t make it; I have a meeting for a project I’m working on.” I felt very disrespected. Once again she had shown how low of a priority I was to her. So we rescheduled, and I told her, “Please don’t plan any meetings right before or after this, and please don’t bring your cell phone, because I want your undivided attention for a while.” She said, “You’re scaring me.” </span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">We did meet. She did arrive late and leave early because of other meetings. But we did get to talk. I said, “I’m sorry for the times I’ve been prickly to you these last few months.” (Thinking to myself, “Girl, you’re lucky because you’ve only experienced about 1% of the anger I’m feeling toward you.”) And she said, “Yes, you have been.” I said, “Is there anything else I need to apologize for?” She said, “Yes—you remember that letter you wrote to me last month, expressing your thoughts on relationships and sexuality? I showed it to my mom and my girlfriends, and we agreed that it was inappropriate.” I was mortified. Then I asked her, “Why have you been so distant?” She said, “Well, I realized six months ago that I wasn’t interested in you anymore. I don’t know why you didn’t get the message.” This caught me completely off guard. I don’t remember what we talked about after that. I gave her some flowers I had picked as a gesture of goodwill, and I walked home in a daze.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">To be fair to her, she didn’t say it in these words, but what I heard was, “Once I got to know you more deeply, I realized that you weren’t good enough for me.” I’ve read that arrogant people are much more susceptible to being manipulated by flattery, because they believe it. I suppose the opposite phenomenon is that people who see themselves as worthless will interpret every failure and rejection as a confirmation of that.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">That night was the worst I’ve had in my life. None of my friends were there for me; all of them were busy doing something else. I was so desperate that I called my parents and filled them in on what had happened. They said, “It’s not that big of a deal. You’ll get over it.” I expressed how much she had hurt me, and they said, “She’s a great girl, so she can’t possibly have been that bad. You must be overreacting.” I told them how angry I was at her, how I was having thoughts of hurting her, and they said, “That’s sinful. You should repent.”</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">I went into the bathroom with a knife and started jabbing myself in the leg (though I was too wimpy to draw blood.) I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. It was an alcohol-free campus, so I drank a big dose of Nyquil. Nothing helped. I lay awake that night writing vicious letters to her (which I am glad to say I never sent). I don’t remember much about the next few weeks. I got through my classes, but I don’t think I was very functional otherwise.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">After the shock and despair came a volcanic eruption of rage. I had no idea I was capable of being that angry and bitter at another human being. I can’t describe to you what I was feeling, except to say that when my wonderful, beloved grandfather died, I felt deep grief and loss. I cried a lot. But I would rather go through that ten times than experience this again. That time I was surrounded by other mourners, people who loved him and loved me too. This time I was totally alone in it. That time I had full permission to grieve, the assurance that it was the proper thing to do. That grief felt “clean.” This one was mixed with guilt and shame and anger—including guilt for being so angry, anger at myself for being such a chump that she would treat me this way, and shame for being so weak and unable to “get over it.”</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">Now that I think about it, it makes sense—to have someone you love die should be less traumatic than to have someone you love say, “I don’t love you, and I don’t want to have anything to do with you.” In both cases, the person is lost to you, but in the second case there’s the additional blow to your sense of self. </span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">I’m very ashamed of how I treated Jane after that. In light of my subsequent behavior, I could no longer believe I was a nice person. I’m also at a loss for how to explain it. But this idea of a narcissistic wound helps. And I suspect that she tapped into a reservoir of rage that I had been storing up since long before I met her.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">A few months later, she sent me a friendly, casual e-mail. I think she wanted to resume contact, and she probably saw this as the first step in working toward peace. But I took this as an opportunity to express all the anger I’d been bottling up, and I fired back a furious, accusatory reply. I told her, “You put me through months of emotional torture. You lied to me. You violated my trust. How dare you act as if everything is OK?” Poor girl, that must have surprised her. As I saw it at the time, to respond with civility would have been to betray myself, to let her off the hook. I didn’t want to have a pleasant chat. I wanted her to pay—or at least own what she did and come crawling back to me. That’s called win-lose thinking, class. Raise your hands: how many of you think that the guy is going to get his wish, that Jane is going to do that?</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">She responded with some accusations of her own, things she said I did to her. I really didn’t remember them that way, so it’s possible that she was telling herself a story to feel better about how she had treated me. I don’t know. And she said, “God made it clear to me that we weren’t supposed to be together. It saddens me that you were unable to see that.” Today, I believe she was right. God really didn’t want us together, and I really was unable to see it. But in that moment, I interpreted her remarks as self-righteous and condescending, an attempt to take the high ground and avoid responsibility for her actions. I was pissed off.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">This is when things got really confusing. One night, both of us went to a Christian worship service. People were washing each other’s feet. I approached her and said, “I want to wash your feet.” She said, “I want to wash your feet too.” It was a moving experience for both of us.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">She must have thought we were reconciled, because whenever she walked by me she would smile. We had a couple of brief, friendly conversations. But soon I realized I was still very hurt and couldn’t bear to be near her. And as much as ever, I still wanted to punish her. I thought, “You’re not getting off that easily.” So for a long time, she would smile at me as she walked by, and I would deliberately, obviously refuse to acknowledge her. </span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">The next fall, when we were back at school, she sent me a friend request on Facebook. Now, I felt, I could get some “hand.” I told her, “If I get an apology, we could be Facebook friends... And maybe even real friends.” She said, “I thought we had been through that, but sure, whatever you say.” And a couple of weeks later I got a card in the mail from her. It said something like, “I’m sorry you didn’t understand that our relationship was over, and I’m sorry your feelings were hurt. Have a nice life.” I immediately wrote back to her, correctly but very ungraciously, “I don’t accept your apology, because that was not a real apology. These are the things I want you to apologize for.”</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">That was our last interaction for a long time. I didn’t get any more smiles from her. For about two more years, I had to see her almost daily on campus, watching her flirt with other guys, reading stories in the student newspaper about things she was doing, overhearing people talk about how amazing she was. To me, it was a regular reminder of my own inadequacy. Every time I saw her or heard her name, even years afterward, it gave me a powerful physical reaction, something like a punch to the solar plexus.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">It’s strange, though, that as much as I hated her, I still cared about her. During this time, she ran for student body president. Of course, I dreadfully wanted her to lose. To my great surprise, she did—by a large margin! (Explain that.) I heard through the grapevine that on the same day, she got some news of a family crisis. One of my friends told me she saw her crying that evening. My heart softened toward Jane in that moment. For a little while, I felt sympathy for her. But the old feelings soon returned.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">Anyway, there was no contact between us for about three years. Neither of us had gotten what we wanted, but we had given up. It was a stalemate. During this time, I became mistrustful of women. I was in a couple of so-called relationships, but they were very brief and shallow and mostly physical, using each other. I might have become a “player” if I’d had “game,” but I didn’t, and I think I still had too much of a conscience. So I was mostly just lonely and frustrated.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;"> A major priority in any sort of recovery is forgiveness, letting go of resentments. And of course, I had this gigantic resentment that I had never been able to let release, though I must say I had really tried. </span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">One of the most influential people in my growth journey during this time was a woman named E. She’s someone I would describe as a mystic. We formed a deep platonic friendship as we experienced healing together. In some striking ways she’s the opposite of Jane: she’s more concerned with the inner life than with worldly things, she prefers a few deep friends to a lot of shallow ones, she’s a straight talker who doesn’t play games, she doesn’t use distancing tactics, she’s a loyal and dependable friend, she makes space in her life for contemplation, and she’s open about her own pain and weakness. Through many encouraging words and acts of love, she helped me rebuild my sense of worth and masculinity.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">Also, I heard for the first time, “You were wronged.” This validated my feelings and allowed me to move forward.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">I started seeing Jane in dreams. Very short ones. She was standing near me, and each successive dream she would be a little closer, until finally I was giving her a hug. E told me, “Don’t be hasty about acting on those. Be very careful. Protect yourself.”</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">At the same time, I was working through the Twelve Steps—something I would recommend to anybody else here who is a human being. They involve making a list of your resentments, acknowledging your character defects and your powerlessness over them, committing them to your higher power, and then working to make amends to those you have wronged. I wrote many pages on Jane. And the more I wrote, the more I began to see how much I was responsible for, how much my own flaws had contributed to what happened, how much I had set myself up for pain, and how unfair I had been to her. I had been self-centered, I hadn’t respected her boundaries or hesitations, I had ignored a lot of things she was trying to communicate to me, and I had given her actions the least charitable interpretation possible, making her out to be more of a monster than she actually was. If any of you had tried to tell me these things, I would have punched you in the face. I was in too much pain to handle this kind of criticism. I had to come to these realizations on my own. </span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">Finally, it came time to make amends to her. She was in town visiting some other people for a short time, and I took the opportunity to invite her to meet me at a coffee shop. She accepted. I remember the encounter vividly. It was early afternoon on a warm day, and as I was parking my car, I saw her walk in. I had butterflies in my stomach. When I got inside, she gave me an awkward hug. I bristled and tensed up a little bit. I bought her a drink. The store was a small, crowded place, and we sat down at a tiny table in the corner. My sponsor had recommended, “Plan what you’re going to say, keep it brief, and don’t improvise.” So over the din of the other customers, I read her a brief letter I had written beforehand, apologizing specifically for how I had wronged her. Although she’s the kind of person who always projects a cool and unruffled countenance, I could tell she was affected by my words—uncomfortable, but also relieved. I gave her the paper. And she looked at me and said, “I’m sorry too. I know I treated you badly, and I know I hurt you.” Then (surprise) she said, “I’ve got another appointment very soon!” I thanked her and left. It was a climactic moment for my soul, and I wanted the scene to reflect that. I wanted to see doves flying around, or something. I wanted to hear orchestral swells in the background, not traffic noises. I wanted a big emotional release. Instead I felt calm and kind of numb. But when I got home I knew the resentment was gone.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">If this were a short story, that would be a good place to end it. But life is anticlimactic. Several months later, she was in town again, and this time she invited me to have a drink with her. It was awkward. Although I no longer held a grudge against her, all of my defense mechanisms were still in full force, and I found it impossible to have a relaxed conversation with her. I was too inhibited to get many words out. And for a couple of weeks afterward, I became obsessed with her again, thinking, “Maybe we’ll get together again, and maybe it will be better this time.” (In case anybody thinks I’m a smart person, try to account for this!) I invited her to meet me again, and she declined, saying “I’m too busy.” </span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">The last interaction I had with her was a little over a year ago. She asked me to drive her somewhere, about an hour away, so we had a conversation in the car. And this is when I finally realized it: she was broken too. Her issues were so different from mine that I had never been able to see them before, but now, with some more maturity and perspective, I could. She was narcissistic—she talked the whole way there about her abilities and her achievements and her powerful connections, and she barely listened to me at all. She needed to be the center of attention, constantly admired by others. Her identity was wrapped up in her accomplishments and performance. She had a very hard time admitting weakness. She wasn’t very self aware. She had to keep herself constantly busy. She had an “Avoider” attachment style and few long-term relationships. And then I thought back on our time in college, and some of the anomalies made sense. For example, I realized that not everybody had worshiped her, that there had been other people who were put off by her. </span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">My feeling about her that day was, “Wow, you’re still gorgeous. And I definitely couldn’t keep up with you and all the things you’re doing. But even after an hour, I already find you obnoxious, and I don’t want to be around you anymore.” And strangely, that’s just what I needed to finally let her go. She had become so much less threatening, so much less godlike. She no longer made me feel so small in comparison. And then I was able to acknowledge her good qualities, too.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">Not long ago, I heard through some mutual acquaintances that she was engaged. I don’t know much about her fiancé except that he’s a tall, handsome, high achiever. He’s probably a hotshot businessman. I’m sure he’s way cooler than I am. But I knew I had made progress, because I didn’t have a reaction. My stomach was fine. I thought, “Good luck to you, Jane,” and moved on.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">And the latest chapter in the story is sharing it with others. There are still some things I left out because they’re too hard to admit. But every time I return to these memories, I am a little more comfortable with them, a little less reactive. This allows me to be more objective and insightful about what really happened. Thanks for reading.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.666666984558105px; line-height: 17.91666603088379px;">-Anonymous</span></div>
<br /></div>
The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-48902275282942799502013-10-02T13:08:00.001+05:302013-10-03T18:39:11.083+05:30Creative Writing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I saw<a href="http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2gVUuZ/:9RnKwKSd:CDS1UqyF/www2.hn.psu.edu/faculty/jmanis/assign/e50xs2.htm/" target="_blank"> a site</a> from stumbleupon that talked about creative writing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The exercises really appealed to me. Particularly this one:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />"Write a dramatic scene between two people in which each has a secret and neither of them reveals the secret to the other OR TO THE READER."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
I liked the idea so much that I decided to try it out, despite the fact that I'm not good at fiction and that this is a particularly hard exercise. So here it is:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">-----------------------------------------</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b>
<b>The entrepreneur and the beggar</b></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Adarsh strode
briskly. He didn't notice the jammed up traffic on the road beside him or the
stench coming up from the dirty footpath. He was too busy worrying about making
his start up profitable. It had been almost a year and his app company still
hadn't secured significant cash flow. He walked past a line of beggars with
fake expressions of want. But one of them was different. He wasn't trying to
get the attention of passers-by. He was looking at them intently. That
immediately caught the attention of Adarsh. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He walked up to him
and said "You know, to get more alms from people, you need to be different
from the rest of the beggars. But not by sitting there silently." The
beggar looked up at him as though he was deciding where to place this guy in his
mind, shrugged, and shifted his weight. Adarsh went on "You can better
grab people's attention by either holding up a funny placard, or by making a
compliment to each passer-by. People like to pay someone who gives them
something they want"</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The beggar, after
some consideration, replied "How do you know that?"</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Adarsh smiled and
said slowly with lost eyes, "I wasn't always an entrepreneur"</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He was about to walk
away when the beggar called out to him. "You had deep creases on your
forehead before you spoke to me. What were you worried about?"</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Oh just
something. Why do you want to know? It's not like <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span>
can help"</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The beggar frowned.
Then he took a deep breath, and retorted "You come out of nowhere and give
me unsolicited advice about my work. And when it's my turn, you don't even have
the courtesy to give me a chance?"</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Alright. Don't
get hyper. I was worried about how I'll make money from the app start up that I
am running"</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The beggar looked
deep into Adarsh's eyes and replied "You're focusing on the wrong problem,
my friend. You should worry about your app not bringing enough value to your
customers. If it had, they'd be paying you a lot more. People like to pay someone
who gives them something they want."</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Adarsh, after some
consideration, replied "How do you know that?"</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The beggar smiled
and said slowly with lost eyes, "I wasn't always a beggar"</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">------------------------------------</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Tell me how you liked it !</span></div>
</div>
The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-53826937572178763302013-09-07T09:05:00.000+05:302013-09-07T09:20:19.194+05:30Sick of sycophancy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/opinion/edit-page/Application-form-for-reform/articleshow/22377667.cms">http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/opinion/edit-page/Application-form-for-reform/articleshow/22377667.cms</a><br />
<br />
When the editorial of the leading english newspaper starts prostrating before a dynast just because he suggested a naive hypocritical idea that is not going to be implemented, you know just how far journalistic integrity has fallen.<br />
<br />
Press neutrality is nonexistent, my friends. Take everything you read with a large dose of salt.<br />
<br />
I lost most of my faith in TOI when it started disguising advertisements as articles and celebrities's dog's stories on the front page. This article kills the rest of it.<br />
<br />
___________<br />
<br />
I tried putting this comment on the article's comment section. TOI didn't let me saying 'Inappropriate content'. haha. And what do you call the content of the article? Appropriate?</div>
The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-87687993284654813522013-07-04T20:59:00.003+05:302013-10-02T13:45:54.759+05:30Lessons learnt as a Programmer<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: arial;">When stuck, question your assumptions.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Do not keep for later details which with a little thought, you can do now. Not only does it give a clearer picture and take things off your mind, you may forget later.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Take active interest in your work to make it more enjoyable. Effect: time flies !</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Abstract. Form a big picture. Then break things up and tackle one part at a time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Force yourself to do things you don't wish to. <a href="http://www.quora.com/Life-Advice/How-do-I-get-over-my-bad-habit-of-procrastinating" target="_blank">Be less moody.</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Throw enough effort at a problem (especially a devious bug) and it will get solved. If it doesn't get solved after a long period of intense effort, sleep on it. Take a step back and look at it from a different angle. Or get a fresh pair of eyes on it (Ask for help)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Understand the module you are working with. Don't try quick fixes without understanding how the whole thing works. Little knowledge is dangerous.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Logical root causing is better than blind experimenting. But targeted experimenting is sometimes required to aid in root causing</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">If you are changing two variables while testing even if you're sure that one of them won't affect the outcome, keep that one thing in mind if the outcome differs from expected</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Don't do more than that which is required. If the extra stuff is required for completeness, then push it to phase 2.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Treat every hurdle as</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;">1. An interesting puzzle to be solved.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;">2. An opportunity to learn more about the software.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Don't get distracted by side tasks. Complete your main task. Then pick up side work, if you have time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Say no to extra work if it doesn't fit into the schedule. If something goes in, Something has to go out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Take time to plan. Plan well. Have concrete targets for each day. If you have a 12 day project, divide it up into work for each day. Don't think you can make up for a slip the next day.</span><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: arial;">Understand that performing well at work is like doing well in studies. The confidence you get from doing that will help you take risks, grow, learn more, be satisfied with yourself and believe in your own capabilities.</span></div>
</div>
The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-20712990050780141872013-03-28T18:58:00.000+05:302013-03-28T18:58:27.330+05:30Doing Something Else<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My wife and I had gone to a school named <a href="http://www.hanselschool.net/2011/index.html" target="_blank">Hansel</a> to inquire about a job opening for her. There we met Malathi, the person who set up this school. She showed us the books that they had handmade to assist them in teaching the children in a way that ordinary textbooks didn't allow them. That was the first indication that this was no ordinary school. Malathi went on to explain how they try to give their pupils a contextual education: World War I didn't happen just because the whole world chose two sides. It was because when Germany attacked Belgium, France, being adjacent, knew it couldn't let Belgium fall; and England couldn't let France fall because only a thin strait separated them and so on. That how learning Geography goes hand in hand with History so that students are able to relate where the countries are with how they interacted with each other. She explained how important it was to individually pay attention to each student, why they split classes into two sections whenever the strength reaches 24. How, in teaching others, you learn so much yourself.<br />
<br />
Her enthusiasm with education was so contagious that I felt the tremendous urge to teach. When I expressed that desire, Malathi promptly suggested that I do a session with her students on Saturday. Maverick that I am, I asked for a topic that's not there in books - since they'll be covering the book lessons anyway. So she asked me to give a history lecture on the Great Depression. Even though I was good at history in school, I have no qualifications that make me a good history teacher, or even teacher, for that matter. Nevertheless, I grabbed the offer with both hands. That is the kind of teacher kids should have: one who inspires and empowers them to do things they've never done before.<br />
<br />
I spent a lot of time on the net researching the topic. I knew that it was not only important to simplify the lesson, but also to make it more engaging. I went about preparing the talk the way we do it in office: prepare a ppt. I had no idea whether the students would find that medium engaging enough. So I made each slide have a photo as a background and just 4-6 terms per slide. The idea was to capture their attention by telling the incidents in the form of a story. I even did dry runs to an empty room to make sure that I didn't fumble or falter.<br />
<br />
The first lecture was a pleasant surprise. Not only did the talk go well, the students didn't look bored or lost. They were listening attentively. I made sure I asked them questions and get them thinking on possible causes to situations. I also encouraged them asking questions. That let them to be a part of it.<br />
I even added a few life lessons to make it more meaningful: Knowledge is sometimes ambiguous. History repeats itself because we don't learn from other people's mistakes, especially when they lived a long time ago.<br />
<br />
For the second lecture, Malathi taught me a neat technique: write up the key points on chits of paper and ask the students to draw one each and talk to the class on what it means. This is a great way of getting them to participate, giving them an opportunity at public speaking and repeating concepts in a new way that increases retention.<br />
<br />
The third lesson was showing them a movie based in the Great Depression time: Cinderella Man. Movies are an excellent way to drive up interest and give knowledge a context, an anchor for remembering things.<br />
<br />
Through it all, I had a great time. I enjoyed studying and creating the presentation. I got a high from being in the flow, teaching eager minds. I was energized by the enthusiasm the students displayed. I appreciated the parents' gratitude. I liked being a guest lecturer. I started feeling great about making my weekends productive. Now I know what job satisfaction really is: it's in doing what you love.<br />
<br />
What's that "something else" that you do to be happy?<br />
<br /></div>
The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-68481820685682026102011-01-29T17:36:00.003+05:302011-01-29T17:41:53.302+05:30Moral policing isn't acceptable, even by the police<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; border-collapse: collapse; ">Time: almost midnight. Location: BTM layout, Bangalore. After a delicious dinner, I went to drop off my lady. I parked my bike beside her hostel, and we started talking about something serious. Our discussion was unpleasantly interrupted by a pair of policemen who, for some reason, decided to pull over when they saw us.<br /><br />"What are you doing here? What is the relationship between you two?" they asked. Not that it was any of their business but I told them what they didn't have the basic intelligence to infer: "We are talking. And she's my girlfriend". "Do you know what time it is? Why don't you talk to her in her room?". "Yeah, it's around 11:30 and I can't talk to her in her room because her hostel has a stupid no-boys rule." Honestly, I don't understand the paranoid zeal with which we Indians attempt to segregate the sexes. We humans think too much of ourselves when we believe we can suppress the laws of nature.<br /><br />Then the policemen started to show their disdain at what we "outsiders" have done to the image of the city. "Which state are you from?". "Orissa", I said. That's all the ammunition he needed."This is not Bhubaneswar. This is Bangalore. These things are not allowed here. You will have to follow the law". I have a lot of things to say about that statement. First, the way he said it, it sounded like he said "This is not Bhubaneswar, this is a village". Heck, if you can't stay out late in a broad-minded, largely youth dominated metro like Bangalore, where can you? Second, even if this were Bhubaneswar, would that make any difference to his attitude? Third, exactly what things are not allowed here? Is there any law against talking to someone on the streets at night? Last time I checked, roads were public property and there wasn't any curfew in force in this city.<br /><br />The only argument that the cops could have put forth was societal propriety. But since when did we encharge the police with that task? Their job is to uphold the law. Not safeguard our morals. Let society take care of that responsibility.<br /><br />"Now get out of here. This is your first warning." one of them said gruffly. I was indignant. What right did he have to speak to me as if i were a wallet thief? Why do people put up with police incivility when it is the people via the constitution from which the police derives it's power? I was about to give him a piece of my mind. But then I decided against it because that would not have served my purpose. You see, cops aren't used to having intellectual debates with the kind of people they usually deal with. I probably wouldn't have been able to bring them over to my point-of-view. I can, however, make the public realize that they have every right to not tolerate moral policing or rude behavior from the police.<br />After all, the police derive their power from our consent and their salaries from our pocket.</span>The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-39699276965268680432010-05-08T22:02:00.009+05:302010-05-08T23:54:22.839+05:30The joys and woes of Software EngineeringHere I was, cheerfully browsing the web when I came across a post on www.codinghorror.com that mentioned Steve McConnel<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:calibri, tahoma, arial, sans-serif;color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"> </span></span>noting in his book Code Complete that "the average programmer reads less than one technical book per year"This made me stop and think. I have been working as a programmer for almost two years. And how many technical books have I read? None! I felt alarmed and worried at the same time. As if I've been just drifting along. I decided it was time to take some corrective measures. So I did the most obvious thing: Search the net for the best books for developers by finding the common ones among multiple lists. The conceited programmer in me was embarrassed to find out that out of the top 10 or so recommended, I had read only one (K&R). However, the bibliophile in me was delighted to find out that there were so many good books out there just waiting to be read. So then began my mission to get my hands on the 5 most important ones. Here's the list<div><br /></div><div>Code Complete 2</div><div>PeopleWare: Productive Projects and Teams<br /><div>The Mythical Man-Month </div><div>Thinking in Java </div><div>The Design of Everyday Things</div><div><br /><div>Now, I don't really read a lot of magazines coz frankly, most of them are crap. The only ones I do consider worth reading are Fortune and Digit. But when I got a mail from the company library announcing the arrival of this month's Harvard Business Review, I thought: since it's so respected, let's give it a try. It turned out to be pretty good. It's when I went to return it that my eyes fell on "The Mytical Man-Month" by Fredrick P. Brooks. Imagine my joy when one of the most recommended software engineering books was lying in front of me just when I was searching for it. I pre-empted the book I was currently reading (1984 by George Orwell) and took this one up since I had to return it in a week. It actually took me three weeks to finish because I could read it only one hour per weekday during my commute to office. (When you exercise and do yoga in the morning, work all day, play badminton in the evening and game dota all weekend, you don't really have a lot of free time left). </div><div><br /></div><div>The book is quite useful in a few ways:</div><div>1. It's like a history lesson of the evolution of software</div><div>2. It's a handy guide to managing s/w projects that are built from scratch</div><div><br /></div><div>However, the reason I'm writing about it is the wonderful insight the author has given about what attracts people to the profession. I am going to use artistic license to reproduce what Brooks calls the Joys and the Woes of the craft. I hope this is as useful to the student contemplating a career in programming as to the seasoned programmer in understanding his profession better.</div><div><br /></div><div>The Joys of the Craft</div><div>1. That surge of euphoria that you feel when you create something.</div><div>2. The pleasure of making things that will be helpful or useful to other people.</div><div>3. The fascination of creating complex puzzle-like objects and watching them work together.</div><div>4. The joy of always learning which comes from the non-repeating nature of the task.</div><div>5. The delight in working with such an easily manipulated medium.</div><div><br /></div><div>The Woes of the Craft</div><div>1. The onus of performing perfectly: Human beings are not accustomed to being perfect, and few areas of human activity demand it.</div><div>2. Someone else decides what work you are to do.</div><div>3. The dependence on other people's programs that are often badly designed or implemented.</div><div>4. Designing grand concepts is fun; finding nitty little bugs is just work.</div><div>5. Optimism tends to make you underestimate the effort/time required which leads you to feeling awful when you can't keep to even your own schedule.</div><div>6. The work you've done becomes obsolete in a very short time.</div></div></div>The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-48909262112159890392009-12-27T19:41:00.002+05:302009-12-27T19:56:17.159+05:30What is happiness to you?This is what I took from the interesting idea but disturbing movie that was Vanilla Sky. <div><br /></div><div><i>It's probably the most important question everyone needs to ask themselves, yet the one gets asked the least. </i></div><div><br /></div><div>It's so important that the right of it's pursuit is enshrined in the American Constitution. </div><div><br /></div><div>Come to think of it, how can you say that you have truly lived if you don't even know what really makes you happy? <div><br /></div><div>So, what's happiness to <b>you</b>?</div></div>The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-82727700043250380452009-11-22T22:39:00.005+05:302009-11-23T22:23:38.755+05:302 cents<div><div><div><div>The 2 most important things in life (besides health)</div><div>1. Doing what you like to do</div><div>2. Spending quality time with those you love</div><div><br /></div></div></div></div><div>The 2 most important constituents of education</div><div>1. Curiosity</div><div>2. Originality</div><div><br /></div><div>The 2 most important ingredients of friendship</div><div>1. Liking each other's company</div><div>2. Spending time together</div><div><br /></div><div>The 2 most essential constituents of spirituality</div><div>1. Peace</div><div>2. Silence</div><div><br /></div><div>The 2 reasons for which you should read a book<div>1. Pleasure</div><div>2. To learn something <b>new </b>(especially a new idea or perspective)</div><div><br /></div></div><div>The 2 things that are most helpful in getting over someone</div><div>1. Letting time heal</div><div>2. Keeping busy</div><div><br /></div><div>The 2 hardest things to say</div><div>1. I love you</div><div>2. I've been sleeping with someone else</div><div><br /></div><div>The 2 biggest killers of all time</div><div>1. Religion</div><div>2. War</div><div><br /></div><div>The 2 sources of information you should never blindly believe</div><div>1. News</div><div>2. People</div><div><br /></div><div>The 2 pillars of the economy</div><div>1. Greed</div><div>2. Selfishness</div><div><div><br /></div><div>The 2 things that you should never say to your parents under any circumstances</div></div><div>1. Every parent does the same for their kids. You didn't do me a favour</div><div>2. I am ashamed of you.</div><div><br /></div><div>The 2 kinds of things you should never say to your lover/wife</div><div>1. Anything that reduces her self-respect</div><div>2. Anything that makes her feel like she's not an important enough part of your life.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>The 2 things you should never stop doing</div><div>1. Learning</div><div>2. Having fun</div><div><br /></div></div><div><div>The 2 questions you need to answer at some point of life</div><div>1. What do you <b>really</b> want from life?</div><div>2. What have you accomplished so far?</div><div><br /></div></div>The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-55652423116052287302009-08-12T18:56:00.016+05:302009-08-23T19:10:04.945+05:30How to avoid causing offence1. <span style="color:#c0c0c0;"><strong>Delay</strong></span><span style="color:#cccccc;">.</span><br />This gives you time to think (of the effect of your words) before you speak. Use a niceness filter.<br /><p></p>2.<span style="color:#c0c0c0;"><strong> Never attack a weak-point.</strong></span><br />Every person has a shortcoming that he/she is aware of. Never hit the chink of their armour. For example never tease a short guy about his height or a dull girl about her intelligence.<br /><p></p>3. <span style="color:#c0c0c0;"><strong>Let go of your ego.</strong></span><br />If you stop caring about your own "importance" then you will hardly pay attention to any "affronts" to you - real or imagined. Then there will be no need to retaliate. This is actually the secret to never having quarrels/fights: Not minding.<br /><br />1 is hard to do and requires a lot of practice.<br />2 requires that you know the person well.<br />3 is hard even to accept; it is so contrary to what we hold on tightly to. But imbibing it will make you a much happier and friendlier person.The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-40741286079029727742009-08-12T18:42:00.003+05:302009-08-12T18:50:42.757+05:30College days<p>This incident happened when we had just joined college. The computer science HOD had changed. The new professor was really thin and short. It was a commonly held belief that no matter what he wore, he'd always look like a peon. </p><p>Anyways, so a computer lab class was just over and a first year student from ECE had left his pen among the computers somewhere. He somehow got the impression (probably from his looks) that our new HOD was one of the lab boys. Here's what followed:<br /></p><br />Student: <em>"Mera pen kho gaya hai"</em><br /><p>HOD: <em>"Haan, toh dhoondh lo na"</em><br /></p>Student: <em>"Aap bhi meri madat karo na"</em><br /><p>HOD: <em>"Nahi nahi, tum khud hi dhoond lo"</em><br /></p>Student: <em>"Kya bhaiyya, aap din bhar bas </em><em>baithe rehte ho. K</em><em>uch karte-warte toh ho nahi...."</em><br /><br />Imagine telling the head of the department that he's good-for-nothing!<br /><br />HOD(SHOUTING): "I AM THE HOD OF THE COMPUTER SCIENCE DEPARTMENT !!! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT...."<br /><br />Poor guy got a good dressing down. And we just couldn't stop laughing when we heard the story...The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-41561552341562862592008-12-07T23:12:00.000+05:302008-12-07T23:52:52.586+05:30House HuntingThere is hardly anything that gives you more tension than having to look for an apartment to rent or having to plan a house to build. My friends are amazed at how cool I am - in the sense that <i>"mein load nahi leta"</i>. Even I myself don't remember the last time I was worried. But this house hunting business has sucked out all my peace of mind.<br />Among the things that you have to look out for in an apartment are:<br /><br />Power backup<br />Steady clean water supply<br />Proximity of office<br />Proximity of shopping area<br />Accessiblity to main roads and rest of city<br />Size of rooms<br />Number of rooms<br />Number of bathrooms<br />Furnishing<br />Furniture<br />Locality<br />Rent<br /><br />It's really hard to find good values of all the above variables in the same house. When that does happen though, another value throws you off balance: the advance required immediately to seal the deal. So while house hunting, like in life, you can't have everything. You'll have to compromise on something. But compromise on which one? ................ That's for you to decide.The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-38222713052072898152008-09-11T20:34:00.002+05:302008-09-11T20:38:44.419+05:30The most important qualityIf I were asked "What is the most important quality that a person should have?" I would invariably say: "The desire to learn, improve and change". Every other quality can be procured by this quality. It is this quality that has proved to be the most useful to me and it is this quality that allows me to increase and expand the set of good qualities that I have. But for that there are certain pre-requisites:<br /><br />1) You must realize the necessity of improvement.<br />2) You must reduce your ego to the extent that you accept your shortcomings.<br />3) You must recognize opportunities to improve or acquire a trait.<br />4) You must try to imbibe those qualites wholeheartedly.The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-2093446159467590132008-03-30T01:48:00.000+05:302008-03-30T01:54:40.815+05:30how reservations should be doneThe whole concept of reservation is not only outdated, it reeks of vote bank politics. Consider this: The reason politicians give for having reservations in the first place is to uplift socially-neglected groups. If that is so then why are they using an economic approach rather than a social one?* And if they are trying economic upliftment then why don't they uplift the economically disadvantaged? Why are they targeting the socially backward?<br /><br />If the policy-makers really wanted to uplift the downtrodden this is how they should have done it:<br /><br />Instead of focusing on castes, they should focus on the economically-deprived. Because lack of opportunity is what we are trying to take account of. And money is much more a limiting factor (think of books, proper schooling) than caste is. Is there any point in reserving seats for a SC/ST candidate who's dad is an IAS officer? How about a brahmin who's dad sells vegetables?<br /><br />Also seats should not be "reserved" for any group. What should be done is take into account the lack of opportunities a person has based on his family's income and increase his score by a percentage based on how low his family's income is. This way we ensure that meritocracy doesn't suffer because the increase in percentage represents lack of opportunity and not of merit.<br /><br />This is also a good idea politically, because there are way more number of poor people than SC/STs. Also the support of those who are really concerned about the underprivilleged will be gained.<br /><br />*i consider reservations in elite institutions economic in nature because of the evident job opportunitiesThe Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-89698728027874948812008-03-17T22:42:00.001+05:302008-03-17T22:47:15.939+05:30why is so much expected from the youth?Pick up any magazine and you'll find surveys about what the youth think, feel and believe. Read any newspaper and you'll find editorials filled with hope in the young of our country. Why are they given so much importance? What makes the youth different from the others?<br /><br />Idealism<br />Youth is a time of believing and pursuing ideals. It's a time where you see things that aren't supposed to be, but are, and take it upon yourself to set things right. To fight for a cause is one of the defining moments of youth. <br /><br />Conviction<br />When you are young, you believe everything is possible. You are not weighed down by years of failure and experience that tends to make you practical and compromising. When you want to do something, you go about doing it. You don't think about whether you'll be able to do it. " Of course I'll be able to do it", you hear yourself say, "There are no limits to what I can achieve".<br /><br />Energy<br />When you put your heart to something, you tap into an inexhaustible supply of enthusiasm so characteristic of that age. Nothing can stop you, nothing can discourage you, nothing will make you doubt yourself even for an instant. You can work for hours without tiring in persuance of your dreams. <br /><br />Unity<br />This is the age where most of the youth either study at the same place or live together. Their spending a lot of time together and same age results in them being very closely knit. A strong force for driving a movement is a sense of belonging.<br /><br />Fearlessness<br />When you are young, you have nothing to fear. Simply for the reason that you have nothing to loose. You haven't yet created a life for yourself that you'd be averse to jeopardize. You haven't created a career, a familiy, a home. So those you are up fighting against can't put you to ransom - because you don't have anything that they can take away.<br /><br />Change<br />When you are past your youth, you finally accept that the "system" cannot be changed. But the youth will not accept that untill they have first fought to change it. And frequently, they are the only ones who stand any chance of suceeding.<br /><br />As times change, so do people. And the youth are representative of the change in beliefs, values, ideals, aspirations and desires of people. Looking at them, you get a peek into where the world is heading. Because they are the ones who are going to take the world forward.The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-61887079802308139402008-03-11T14:06:00.003+05:302008-03-11T14:23:46.115+05:30solitudeThere are certain feelings that you know you can't share with anyone. There are certain thoughts that no one can contribute to, or you can't let anyone know. There are certain journeys that you know you have to make alone .......... and only in going alone will you benefit from the journey.The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-62226019587911029112008-02-27T23:41:00.000+05:302008-02-27T23:45:25.805+05:30why does sex have negative connotations?Have you ever wondered why sex - particularly premarital sex - is considered bad? Why is something that harms no one but gives so much pleasure (not to mention heralding new life) considered paap? You can enjoy great food, cool bikes, stylish clothes, fun games but sex? Noooo......that u aren't allowed to do. But why? What makes sex different from all the other means of pleasure? I'll tell you why. (I wonder why I keep reverting to anthropology to form my theories. I have absolutely no background in it.) Anyways, here goes:<br /><br />At some point during the course of the development of civilization, people realized that free love (yes, it is not a modern concept) had it's huge disadvantage viz. uncared-for-children. You see, when people go about mating with each other without any responsibility for the outcome of their actions, what you end up with is pregnant females with no one to look after and feed their young ones - except maybe the females most in demand (maals). The male had no way of knowing whether the child was his or not and hence he had no interest in it's rearing (and hence propagating his own genes - if they were his in the first place). So to ensure that the male would take care of the child the bond of marriage was created and called sacred and pre-marital sex was forbidden and labeled immoral. Therefore, the actual reason for making pre-marital sex a taboo was to ensure the proper upbringing of the child.<br /><br />Now fast-forward to the 21st century. Unwanted pregnancies can be avoided by condoms and birth control pills, among other methods of contraception. So the problem of the uncared-for-child doesn't arise at all. Considering the reasons for the labelling of sex as immoral and the technological advancements of our age, shouldn't we re-think our assessment about the morality of sex?The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2387324736303583207.post-48418705163178289972008-02-24T16:12:00.000+05:302008-02-24T16:21:58.302+05:30the grass is greener at another timeWe are never satisfied with where we are in life, are we? <br /><br />When we are children we want to grow up so that we can do whatever we want. <br />When in college we detest is so much that we want to get out of it as soon as possible.<br />When we start working we want to go back to our carefree college life and hang out with friends.<br />On getting to middle age we long for our childhood when we had no worries or stress.<br />And when we retire we fondly remember the times when we had something to do.The Thoughtful Philosopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15453972323748162138noreply@blogger.com2